When Life Hands Me Lemons...

I could make lemonade, but the weather is just to cold for that! :) I'm actually doing all right. I've been a lazy bum this weekend, but that's okay. I don't mind being lazy.

Go back to my 6 hour schedule tomorrow. I had a doctor's appt on Friday, but for some odd reason my alarm never went off. I didn't wake up until 12:30 & my appt was at 11:20. I called & left a message, but they never got back to me. I tried again today, but the same thing. So, I'll call tomorrow & see what happens.

I have been reading SO much this last week. I bought Grimspace by Ann Aguirre (AWESOME), Virgin River, Shelter Mountain, and Whispering Rock by Robynn Carr (new auto-buy author), and a whole bunch of other books. I've reviewed some of them here.

Life is just going along at the moment. I'm going to go take a sleeping pill & hopefully get some sleep tonight. I'm really, really tired. Insomnia sucks a big fat one.

If my SIL doesn't go into natural labor by Weds. they'll induce her. Poor baby is so miserable. She's HUGELY pregnant & I think she just wants it over. Cooper will be the last one for them. I'm glad. 2 nephews is good. :)

I should have my tax return any day. Pay off bills & stuff. I'd love to use it for something frivolous (like vacation), but I'm trying to be practical. *snort* Yeah, right. Well, I am. :P

i've been doing a lot of soul searching about work & life in general. My big dream is to get a job where I can afford to buy my own home. Nothing big or anything, but something that's big enough for me. Marriage is so not anywhere on my horizon, it doesn't make sense for me to wait for a man to come along. I think I'll have my own life, thank you very much.

How goes it for everyone? I hope it's good. Michele...yes, I'm evil. Your book is sitting here glaring at me. I'll get it out to you...I promise!

Talk at y'all later!

Everything is New...Again

Hey, all! You know, I had all of those choices picked out & when I went to switch to my new template, it didn't work. Couldn't read a word of it. *sigh* I'd chosen #3, but when it didn't work, I decided to go for #1. Can you believe that one didn't work either? So, I've decided on this one. Just a sexy male silhouette to the right. I'm thinking it works. :)

I'm trying to get myself out of my funk. I'm so sorry my blog has been depressing for so long. Trust me when I say it wasn't intentional. Things have just been so nuts lately. I decided that maybe having something new might get me out of my funk. I will cross my fingers & see.

If you go through my old entries, you'll see I haven't changed the color of the font for most of them. That's something I'll be doing as time progresses. Unfortunately, switching my background has erased ALL of my links. I was thinking of changing them anyway, so it's not necessarily a bad thing...I just hope I can find everybody again. If you're a regular reader who used to be on my sidebar & don't see it once I've fixed things, will you tell me so I can add you again? Thanks much!

I Need Your Help!

I'm thinking of changing the background to my blog & have found a couple of options. I'd love your input. Here are the options. Please leave a comment with your choice. Thanks!

1. http://www.pimp-my-profile.com/generators/preview.php?mode=blogger&layout_id=100926

2. http://www.pimp-my-profile.com/generators/preview.php?mode=blogger&layout_id=58236

3. http://www.pimp-my-profile.com/generators/preview.php?mode=blogger&layout_id=59523

4. http://www.pimp-my-profile.com/generators/preview.php?mode=blogger&layout_id=111730

5.
http://www.pimp-my-profile.com/generators/preview.php?mode=blogger&layout_id=125653

6.
http://www.pimp-my-profile.com/generators/preview.php?mode=blogger&layout_id=34301



Now remember, it's for this blog & I am a romance author (to be). I want something tasteful yet sexy. So please vote! I appreciate it. :)

Blah, blah, blah

Man, I'm so tired! Tomorrow is my first day back to work. I really, really don't want to go back. *sigh* I'm just tired of dealing with life & stuff. I want to just hide in a hole & stay there.

Life is boring though. Would be nice to have something to do. My mom has her surgery next week & Cooper is due any time. That'll make things interesting, but I dunno.

I've had a horrible sinus migraine for the last few days. At the funeral they had sagebrush...I'm so allergic to it. Aw well, whatever.

How is everyone else doing? I hope your lives are more eventful than mine. :P

Memorials

Everyone has had to go to one at one point or another. Today was my grandpa's funeral. It was a lovely service on an absolutely perfect day. The sun was out, it was pleasant, but boy was it windy!

Before my grandpa's stroke he was an avid outdoorsman. Every single day he was tinkering with his cars or working in his garden. When he had his stroke, he was never able to do that again & I think it always bothered him.

My dad spoke and so did my aunt. One of my cousins (who is older than my dad...I think) gave a really touching speech. I saw family members I haven't seen in years & some friends of the family too. After the service, the immediate family went out to the actual burial site, but thankfully we didn't do a graveside service. My dad's company did a wonderful job on the casket & vault. It was just a really nice day.

I actually cried...not necessarily for my grandpa, but for my poor aunts and my dad. My aunts are pretty devastated. I didn't do much crying though, but there were a few moments that really got to me. Aren't funerals weird though? People you don't know offering condolences and people saying things about a loved one that either aren't true or have no meaning to you?

All in all, not a bad day, but I really, really don't want to have to do this again for a long time.

Life Goes On

Yes, it certainly does. Later today is my grandpa's funeral. I'm not sure why they waited until today for it, but I'm sure it was to allow family & friends from elsewhere to get here in time. I really, really don't want to go, but will to support my dad. He's taking this really hard & I hate seeing him in pain.

I'm okay, I guess. Very tired. Insomnia has been a pain in my butt for years, but these last 2 weeks have been the worst. I can't get to sleep! I didn't go to bed until 4 this morning. All day I've just felt a bit off.

My mom's surgery will be at the beginning of April. She's looking forward to it and to be honest, so am I. The medication she's been on since her first hemorrhage really did a number on her personality. She's still my mom, but she's been a lot quicker to be snarky. I know it's because of the medication so I've just blown it off, but once she has the surgery things should go more back to "normal." I know she's tired of it all. I've thought about getting in contact w/ a surgeon to have my stuff taken out too. I don't want to have children & why should I have to suffer through the time of the month if it's really not necessary? It's definitely something to think about.

I got paid today and after paying bills I decided to spoil myself a little bit. I went to B&N to see if I could find any good books. I was shocked to find the newest Lara Adrian book on the shelves, but I snapped it up and devoured it! So good! :) I know everyone says that she's a knockoff of JR Ward, but I've gotta say that her writing is 10 times better & her Breed Warriors don't come off as white gangsta wannabes.

So, I'm just hanging out. I wish my sinuses would clear up, I could sleep and that the funeral was already over. Wish me luck, okay?

Life & Death

Today has been weird for me. My grandfather passed away this morning after a very, very, very long illness. At this point it's more a relief than anything. He had a stroke on Father's Day almost 16 years ago. Since that point, he's slowly but surely deteriorated to the point where he was basically a living vegetable. There's been a lot of family controversy over the years about his life, etc.

I feel guilty because I don't feel anything. There's no grief, relief...nothing. Does this make me a heartless person? I don't think so, especially with the relationship that I had with the man. We've never been close and I don't want to be a hypocrite. I do feel for my dad though. He was his father and there's always that sense of disbelief when a parent dies. It's something we've been anticipating or expecting for so long...maybe that's why I don't feel anything.

I'm not writing this blog to sound bad or anything. I guess I'm trying to understand why I don't feel anything at this point. It just sucks. I think the funeral is on Saturday. You have to understand...I abhor funerals. There was a point in my life where it seemed all I was doing was attending a funeral. They give me the heebie-jeebies. Maybe it's because it makes me face my own mortality. If I didn't have to go, I wouldn't, but I have to be there to support the living.

If I'm scarce this week...now you know why. And to add to it all, my mom's surgery is probably going to be at the end of the month. It's just a really scary, messed up time in my life.

*Sigh*....just sigh...

Well, I know they say bad things come in threes, but come on! For those of you who've been reading my blog for the past few years, you know that my mom has been having some really serious health issues. We don't talk about them much on here because of the nature of the issues, but it got pretty bad. We found out yesterday she's going to have to have surgery. She & her doctor did everything they could to avoid that, but it's come to the point where there's no alternative. She's not going to die or anything like that (it's not cancer or anything), but this has really stressed me out.

It's hard to explain the relationship I have with my mom. I've always known I can talk to her about anything. She's a great listener & so many times I've come home to vent. She will listen and offer advice, but never butts in. She's been my best friend for as long as I can remember and has always been there for me. Now, I've got to be there for her. It's so hard for me to handle sickness in other people. I can handle it in myself just fine (though I'll probably whine a bit), but when it comes to someone I love...well, I don't handle it very well. When it initially happened, I never went to the hospital to see her. Hospitals give me the creeps. I also know she doesn't like to have visitors when she's ill & I figure I'm better off around home taking care of the house. Selfish? I don't think so. I don't want to freak out in the hospital & have to be sedated or something.

To make matters more frustrating my hand is still all screwed up. I had my doctor's appointment today & the doctor just shook his head. It'll be fine I'm sure until I go back to work. After using it all the time again, it'll start to hurt again. I just don't know what to do.

When I got to the doctor's I refused to have my blood pressure taken. I'd almost gotten in a wreck on the way there & on top of that the stress of hearing about my mom...I told the nurse he was lucky I wasn't having a full-fledged panic/heart attack. I just can't seem to have any good news. I do have my new nephew to look forward to though. He still hasn't made his arrival, but he's due any time. I'm hoping they'll schedule a c-section for next week so I can really be there to enjoy it. Not the surgery, but the being there. I missed that with Dylan & I can't stand the thought of not being there for Cooper. *sigh*

Thursday my mom & dad went to the doctor's, so I got to spend quite a bit of time one on one with Dylan. I haven't done that...well, at all with him, so it was really nice. He took a long nap curled up on my lap and after he woke up we played and he kept going to look out the window. He knew there was something wrong, but had no idea what it was. After my mom got back from the hospital, she just wanted to go lay down, but he needed comfort, so she got him a bottle and his blanket. They curled up on the rocker and watched Super Why.

My mom finally went on to bed (with my dad distracting Dylan). I took off to go pick up her prescriptions & when I got home they were already gone. My dad told me that Dylan saw my mom lying in bed and went out into the living room. His little lip was trembling like he was going to cry, so my dad picked him up. The poor little guy just cried like his heart was broken. My dad finally got him calmed down, but the poor baby just knew something was wrong with his Gramma. Poor guy.

My little man is now officially 2 years old. His birthday was Friday & his party is this afternoon. I got him & Cooper both these little lambie blankets with their names embroidered into them. I think my SIL will really like them. I can't believe Dylan is 2! Seems like just yesterday I was holding him for the first time. And I'll actually be there for his birthday this year. That hasn't happened yet. I was sick when he was born & I was sick on his 1st birthday. Well not this year (knock on wood).

Anyone seen Premonition? Your thoughts? I saw it today & though I liked parts of it, the end really sucked. I kept thinking I could write it better. That sounds really arrogant & I don't mean to, but honestly. The end was just stupid.

Well, I'm off. I'm tired and I've got a bit of a sinus headache. Can't wait for the party & stuff...for the most part. There'll be some people there I could go a lifetime without seeing, but I'll survive. Night!

I Dunno What To Do

Life is really going in a frustrating direction for me right now. I have been trying so hard to be upbeat & happy, but honestly...well...things suck. Friday I was called into a meeting with my big boss. She wanted me to know that all the bigwigs had decided to put me on enforced 2 week paid disability. If my hand doesn't get healed, they'll kick me down to 20 hours & I'll lose my insurance.

I could look at it as a 2 week vacation, but more than anything, it's obvious to me that they're trying to get me to quit. *sigh* I dunno what to do. I'll be looking for a new job. I just don't think I can handle this nonsense anymore.

Other than that, things aren't too bad. Yesterday I hung out with BB for awhile. We went to Shari's & had breakfast. And today we hung out again. She has HOUSE on DVD and since I've never seen it before, she asked me if I wanted to do a marathon. So far I've seen 2 1/2 episodes. They are great. :)

Read some great books. I read Sex and the Immortal Bad Boy by Stephanie Rowe, Dragonborn by Jade Lee, Strangers in Death by JD Robb and Chosen by PC & Kristin Cast. S&tIBB was really funny. Dragonborn was interesting. Strangers in Death was very good as always, but Chosen...I don't even know what to say about it. It was sooooo good, but boy did the end make me mad. I'm so glad to know that book 4 comes out at the end of the year. :)

Life is just going around in a bazillion circles. I feel so overwhelmed in so many ways. *sigh* Hope y'all are doing better than me. :)

*Sigh*

I apologize for the lack of posts. It wasn't necessarily intentional. Things are just really, really boring right now. Haven't done much of anything since I last wrote. Like I said...boring. :)

I did do the MVP thing at Hollywood Video though. It's $24.99 a month, I can rent 2 videos at a time with no late fee, and I can rent as many videos as I want. Since my lovely tendonitis kicked in again (sucks) and I'm restricted from a lot of typing, I decided movies would do me good. So far, I've seen A Mighty Wind, Sydney White (a modern version of Snow White...I guess. It stars Amanda Bynes & it was actually really cute) and a couple of others that I'm blanking on at the moment.

I also watched Feast of Love. It was based here in Portland (yay!) and was out last year. It has a pretty good cast w/ Morgan Freeman and Greg Kinnear being the 2 biggest names. What didn't I like about it? The gratuitous nudity. Naked people left and right w/ no real reason as to why they were naked. What did I like about it? Morgan Freeman. :) His character is a professor who is on an extended leave of absence since the death of his son a year ago. His wife is played by Jane Alexander. There were moments of sheer beauty in this movie. The biggest one for me was at the very end. It was very bittersweet...but it could have definitely done without the nudity for sure. I give it a B-. :)

Work has been really, really slow all week long. Since I'm on restriction again, I basically sit there bored out of my mind all day long. *sigh* It's enough to drive a saint MAD!

I get paid tomorrow & if I have the fundage, I'm thinking I want to go buy a ton of books. Chosen by PC & Kristin Cast is out. I love this series. Who cares if it's supposedly for teens? It's so well-written and...well, I love it. :) There are so many books out right now. And so many coming out. Why couldn't I be made of money? LOL!