More Ponderings, Thoughts & My Brain

Okay, so my titles suck. *eye roll* Obviously, or I'd have one for my WIP! *headdesk*

I woke up this morning (Sunday) with a horrible sore throat. It was scratchy for most of the day Saturday, but it was like swallowing fire all day today. My dad is annoyed w/ me because I promised I'd clean, but I had no energy. I even went to bed around 9:30 Saturday night and didn't get up until noon. I even wanted to take a nap. Stupid viruses. :(

Texted my friend V for quite a bit Saturday night and part of this morning. I told her about the "crush" and also about some other stuff. I've known her all her life, so she's like an honorary niece. We might not see each other very often, but when we do it's like no time has passed. She was laughing at me because I'm overanalyzing EVERYTHING.

My biggest issue when it comes to the opposite sex is my lack of experience w/ them. I have less dating experience than most 12 year olds, which is just downright depressing. I was talking to one of my BFFs about him and was trying to explain what I was feeling. She said something that kind of irritated me. She's right, but it was still annoying.

See, I don't go out much. I'm not into the club scene or partying, so when I'm not working I'm usually home or maybe out with a friend. I know that's one reason why I don't meet men that often.

The other issue I have is a twofer. 1. I'm EXTREMELY shy. As in, struck dumb shy. If I'm attracted to someone, my brain literally shuts down and I'm lucky if I don't just stand there blankly with drool going down my chin. 2. Men are intimidated by me. I know, 99% of it is my size; both my height and my weight. I'm a big girl, what can I say?

I know, men are more visual, so because I'm tall and big, it's basically a no-win situation for me. I'm not being a downer; I'm being a realist. I've even had guys tell me that in the past. They were guy friends who were trying to be helpful. Um, yeah. NOT! :~P

But at work on Saturday, we were all talking (yes, him too) and we got on the conversation of the flirtatious elderly customers. I made the comment that I get little old men who usually tell me how cute they bet I am, etc. "HE" made the comment "Well, maybe you should tell them you're a lesbian...or tell them you used to be a man." I laughed and said "Yeah, thanks but no. I've already had that problem just because I'm tall." He said "Because you're tall everyone thinks you're a lesbian?" Me: "Yep." Him: "Well, that's stupid. I'd never think of you as a lesbian." Me: "Aw shucks. You make me blush." Him: "Well, it's true! You're the least lesbian-like tall person I know." Me: Laughing so hard I snorted. *eye roll* Sexy, I am not! he-he

But, on Friday night we ended up texting for about two hours. I'd given him my cell # to call because I was giving him a ride to work on Saturday and as I told him, if he was going to drink and pass out or call in sick, I wanted to know so I wasn't late. I got a text from him about 10ish and we ended up texting back and forth.

For the most part, they were pretty inane, but also kind of funny. He told me I was much funnier outside of work than he expected. How on earth should I take that? LOL! I was teasing him about his insomnia. I'm the Queen of Insomnia, so I could relate. We talked about music and other stuff. It was nice.

I feel like I'm 12 and back in middle school. Dealing with a "crush." I am 32...right? Sometimes I wonder. I know in a lot of ways I'm not mature when it comes to men. I mean, I am, but I'm not. I think it's because I haven't had the experience most women my age have had. I don't know how to deal with men in a flirtation or dating environment. I'm better as the buddy. I can talk about video games, sports, comic books, and Star Wars. Oh, yes, these are topics of conversation EVERY SINGLE DAY at work amongst the guys. "HIM" and the other four guys he sits next to. *headdesk* Ai-yi-yi!

But, he's smart. And it's fun talking to him. We talked most of the day Saturday because we were dead at work. I was talking to my coworker and we were talking about dating. I told her the one thing I missed about dating P (first boyfriend) was our witty repartee. We'd start firing back and forth and it was so much fun! I miss having that with someone. I think if anything were to happen between me and "him" it would be like that. He's so extremely quick-witted, it'd be fun.

And that's that. I feel like crap, but other than that, not too shabby. Tired. Very tired. Anticipatory. Waiting to see if things DO happen. If they don't, well, I'll survive. It wouldn't be the first time it happened and probably wouldn't be the last either. I'm such a pessimist.

Tonight

On Public Broadcasting is Little Dorrit on Masterpiece Classic. I'm a 'tard. I said Richard Armitage, but meant Matthew MacFadyen. This is what I get for being sick. *sigh*

Scary

My brain.

That's all I'm going to say for the moment. I'm still trying to wrap my head around something. I scare myself sometimes. Not in a bad way. :)

Music

Again. Sometimes I amaze myself. LOL! First it was Apocalypitica and now it's Puscifer. I've only heard one of their songs, but I LOVE it. It's kind of this twisted bluesy/rock song and I love it. When it plays on the radio I blast it. Here's the song. No video, but it's the song that I like. :)




Other than music? Not much going on. Still haven't heard from the guy I clobbered yet. We shall see what happens.

Driving "him" to work tomorrow. That should be interesting.

I finally figured out why I'm interested in him. It's his brain. This guy is NOT stupid, which is extremely attractive to me. One thing about me is that I'm not all about the physical. It's the inside that attracts me. If a guy is funny and super-smart, that's enough to make me like him. :) It's not that he's ugly, because he's not, but it's his mind that turns me on. Oh yeah. :P

I Had So Much Crap In My Head

I forgot to blog about what happened when I got to work. Oy. I drive to work, which isn't the most cost-effective thing in the world, but I learned years ago that I am soooooo not meant to ride the bus anymore. Unfortunately, the parking lot I park at reconfigured it a few years ago and if you get one person who takes up more space than they should...well, guess what happened?

I got there, turned into my parking space and completely clobbered the car next to me. It was my fault, but the idiot had parked so close to the dividing line...anyway, whatever. I wrote down all of my insurance info and put it in the windshield wiper. As I walked away, looked down and realized I'd clobbered a Mercedes. An ugly Mercedes, but a Merceded all the same. *sigh* I called my insurance company and told them what happened. So now it's on the person who owned the car. Since it's a Mercedes, I'll probably get hammered. I think next week I'll start parking at Lloyd Center and taking the Max in. It'll take a bit longer, but it'd probably save my sanity. *sigh*

So, that was what happened. *headdesk* I KNEW I should've stayed home!

What Is It

About blogs? I can write about things on here that I can't even talk to my friends about and send it out into cyberspace and yet, for the life of me, I can't keep a personal journal to save my life. *sigh*

I just spilled the beans about my "crush" to one of my friends who knows him and now I wanna run away. *sigh* She's being really cool though. Not telling our mutual friend who can't keep a secret even if it meant her life. :~S Aw well, whatever.

For the next few days I'm going to be writing reviews up the wazoo! I reviewed Blue Diablo by Ann Aguirre just a few minutes ago. I loved it! And then I've got some reviews for Sourcebooks to put up. I'm thinking maybe a review a day or just get them all done. Not sure. :)

And that's about it. I know, my life is SO exciting. Pfft!

Rambling, Thinking & Other Things

*sigh*


So, went and picked up my copy of Smooth Talking Stranger by Lisa Kleypas today. It was soooooo good! Jack Travis is just plain yummy. Blue-Eyed Devil is still my favorite, but STS wasn't too shabby. :) Review here.

Work was dead, so I read 3/4 of the book at work. Didn't do any writing. I know, I'm so bad! *sigh* But honestly, the book just hooked me and wouldn't let me go. Shame on it!

Over on Dear Author, there was an interesting article on comfort reads. In some ways, reading that post, it was almost like she was ashamed of having comfort reads. For me personally, I think comfort reads are the biggest compliment I can give an author. If I go to someone's book for comfort, it means that book really meant something to me.

Off the top of my head I can think of at least a dozen books I've read over and over and over again specifically because they give me the comfort that I need. Is that something to be ashamed of? I don't think so.

My mom saw my "crush" today. Yes, she did. *shakes head* Is he even a crush? It's all so mixed up in my head I'm even having a hard time articulating it and getting it out in the open (so to speak). I think my biggest concern is him finding out I like him and having it blow up in my face. It's one of those things where...I don't know. One of my friends said I should take the bull by its horns and just tell him, but like I told her...I have to work with him! It'd be one thing if I'd seen him randomly at a club or something, but we work together. If it blew up in my face...*icky shiver* So, for now, I'm just letting things be. If something happens, okay. If not, at least I know my libido hasn't fully given up on me. *sigh*

One thing I've figured out about myself over this last year of self-discovery is that I am one of those people who's just not NORMAL. I don't have to have the same things everyone else has to feel complete. As long as I have my books, my family, my writing and my friends, I'm content. Oh sure, there are days I'd kill to have sex or whatever, but those days are just random. It's not something I obsess over a million times a day. I think I'm pretty blase about it really. Kind of scary.

I wonder why it took me so long to realize that I am like I am. 99% of it was a lack of confidence and self-esteem, but I'm slowly but surely working on it. I've noticed it especially at work. Nowadays I'm pretty much of the "Who cares what you think" mentality when before it was "How can I please everyone?" Nuts to that. I did that for WAY too long and ended up making myself completely miserable. Now, it's all about me and what makes me happy.

Am I being selfish? Yes! Finally! For so long I was worried about what my family thought of me. What about my friends? Sheesh, it was pathetic. Now, I just don't care. And it's about time.



PS...You can still enter to win a book! Go HERE!

Jeff Dunham

Is a genius...that is all.

You Know

Sometimes you get really lucky. I know I have. I've had my book review blog for a little over a year. In that time I've "met" some really wonderful people. Katie(babs) had a very interesting blog entry the other day about expectations not being met, especially with authors she'd worked w/ in the past. My biggest fear is to meet any of the authors I've gotten to know and find out they're not who they are...if that makes sense.

When it comes to me being me, I'm pretty much like I write. A bit goofy, a bit ridiculous, but nice (I hope). I hope that when I do get published and start dealing with the public, that I don't lost that intrinsic part that is...me.

I had the opportunity to talk to an author tonight on Facebook. I read her book today and we started out discussing some of my observations and such on what I'd read, but it evolved from there. I told her about my own writing and how my two biggest obstacles have been my over-innner-editor and my lack of confidence in myself. I told her about how, in this past year, I've really grown as a writer and have gained a lot of confidence in myself (finally).

She gave me some wonderful advice and was very...well...nice! I've "known" her for quite awhile actually, but this was the first time where I really got a chance to talk to her and it was lovely. I hope if we ever meet face-to-face, she'll be just like that.

I've only met a couple of authors face-to-face. And so far I've had excellent experiences. I now count one of them as a friend and others as "I know I can go to them if I need help" kind of people. I've been lucky so far. Here's hoping my luck holds out. :)




PS. I'm at about 45,000 words on my WIP. Ack! How in the world did that happen?

Got This From KristieJ

12 Angry Men (1957)
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
The 400 Blows (1959)
8 ½ (1963)
The African Queen (1952)
Alien (1979)
All About Eve (1950)
Annie Hall (1977)
Apocalypse Now (1979)
The Battle of Algiers (1967)
The Bicycle Thief (1948)
Blade Runner (1982)
Blazing Saddles (1974)
Blow Up (1966)
Blue Velvet (1986)
Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
Breathless (1960)
The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
Bringing Up Baby (1938)
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
Casablanca (1942)
Chinatown (1974)
Citizen Kane (1941)
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)
Die Hard (1988)
Do the Right Thing (1989)
Double Indemnity (1944)
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
Duck Soup (1933)
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
Enter the Dragon (1973)
The Exorcist (1973)
Fast Times At Ridgemont High (1982)
The French Connection (1971)
The Godfather (1972)
The Godfather, Part II (1974)
Goldfinger (1964)
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1968)
Goodfellas (1990)
The Graduate (1967)
Grand Illusion (1938)
Groundhog Day (1993)
A Hard Day's Night (1964)
In the Mood For Love (2001)
It Happened One Night (1934)
It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
Jaws (1975)
King Kong (1933)
The Lady Eve (1941)
Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
The Lord of the Rings (2001,2002,2003)
M (1931)
M*A*S*H (1970)
The Maltese Falcon (1941)
The Matrix (1999)
Modern Times (1936)
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
Network (1976)
Nosferatu (1922)
On the Waterfront (1954)
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
Paths of Glory (1958)
Princess Mononoke (1999)
Psycho (1960)
Pulp Fiction (1994)
Raging Bull (1980)
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
Raise the Red Lantern (1992)
Rashomon (1951)
Rear Window (1954)
Rebel Without a Cause (1955)
Rocky (1976)
Roman Holiday (1953)
Saving Private Ryan (1998)
Schindler's List (1993)
The Searchers (1956)
Seven Samurai (1954)
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Singin' in the Rain (1952)
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)
Some Like It Hot (1959)
The Sound of Music (1965)
Star Wars (1977)
Sunset Blvd. (1950)
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
The Third Man (1949)
This is Spinal Tap (1984)
Titanic (1997)
To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
Toy Story (1995)
The Usual Suspects (1995)
Vertigo (1958)
When Harry Met Sally... (1989)
Wild Strawberries (1957)
Wings of Desire (1988)
The Wizard of Oz (1939)
Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (1988)
The World of Apu (1959)



I bolded all the ones I've seen. The really old ones are ones I watched when I was a kid. When I said I grew up on classics, I wasn't kidding. To Kill a Mockingbird, TGTB&TU, well, a lot of them are still favorites all these years later. TKaM is still one of the best books ever!

American Idol

I gotta admit, I'm not a HUGE fan of AI like I know a lot of people are. I love watching the tryouts because, let's all admit, they're extremely funny. I remember when this guy showed up during the tryouts and thought Hmm...but didn't think he was super fantastic. And then he started showcasing his talents on the show.

My parents, who are DEFINITELY not AI fans have been watching all season (I know, it's shocking!) and they have a favorite. Amazingly enough, we like the same person. Will he last all the way 'til the end? I dunno, but this rendition of "Ring of Fire" was...whoa. I know some people didn't like it, but that's because they're purists. My dad, who LOVES country, loved this version. I think it's because Adam put his own spin on it and stayed true to himself. Go Adam!

Cha-Cha-Changes (stole that title from my mom)

Obviously, I have a new look. Yay! I again have to thank Holly and all she did to make my blog so pretty. :) I love my header picture. I wanna crawl in next to him. :~D

Tweaking colors and other stuff, but this is pretty much the finished blog. I am so happy with it I can hardly stand it! Now it's ORGANIZED!!!! For me it is, anyway. LOL!

Today was my typical work day and I'm glad it's over. I'm very tired tonight. I was able to get some writing done, but DABWAHA and Twitter were VERY distracting. Talk about a close call on this last round. I sucked at this one, but I'm still in the top 100 which thrills me to pieces. Since this is my first foray into the DABWAHA madness, I think I'm doing pretty good. :)

Did get some writing done, but not enough. Stupid distractions. Aw well, whatever.

Tomorrow is my cleaning day. It'll probably take me all day, but it NEEDS to get done. *sigh*

Monday it's call-the-courthouse-to-make-sure-I-didn't-royally-scew-up day. Blah!

After my coworker gets off work Monday night, we're meeting up to get eyebrows done. Mine grow in much faster than hers, unfortunately. :(

And now for a teeny, tiny snippet from Kara & Jamison. This is for Orannia, since she asked so nicely. :)

*scene* Kara & Jamison's first official date. This scene makes me smile...and it is REALLY short (sorry 'bout that).

Jamison stood on the other side (of the door), looking super sharp in a pair of black slacks and a deep blue sweater. He smiled at her and held out a single yellow daisy. Kara took it from him with a smile.

“A daisy? Isn’t it usually a rose?”

“It usually is, but you seemed more like a daisy kind of woman.”

“Really? And what type of woman is a daisy woman?”

Jamison followed her as she went into the kitchen to get something to put the flower in.

“The daisy says laid-back, relaxed and comfortable in your own skin.”

Kara put the flower in a bud vase and set it down on the counter before turning to him.

“I see. So basically you’re telling me that you think I’m a girl-next-door.”

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Nope."


*end scene*

Okay, so Kara probably seems kind of snarky questioning his flower choice, but you'll understand when you read the book. :) Bwa-ha-ha! :D

And I'm off to write again. Have fun storming the castle!

Awesome!

I have to thank Holly (cranberrytarts) for doing up my new blog template. She's a doll and my new hero(ine). :)

Why does my mom send me things to make me obsess over them during work? I'd gotten a ticket back in January, but it came in my dad's name (don't ask me why). I sent in the paperwork stating that it was me driving and that it was my car. When it had first happened, it stated my court date was yesterday, but then I got ANOTHER notice stating April 2nd. She sent me an email AT WORK stating, you did remember your ticket right? Yes, the new notice said April 2nd. But now, I'm going to be obsessing. Was I correct? Did I have the right info? I've gotta call the court on Monday to make sure that it's all taken care of. First of all, it was me driving. I still have no idea why it came in my dad's name. *sigh*

Pray for me? :(

Oh, Boy

Man, this picture didn't turn out anywhere near as good as I'd hoped it would. *sigh* I was in my car on the way home. Driving down 45th I looked to the west and saw this sunset that was...amazing. I pulled out my cell phone and started snapping away. This was the best of the bunch.

In reality the sky was ablaze with bright reds, oranges, purples and some pink thrown in for good measure. The sun was shining through it just right to really make it vibrant. I wish it'd turned out better. *sigh*

On to other news...um, what other news? Oh, I'm still doing DABWAHA. Currently I'm in 45th place. I've been all over the place with this contest. It can literally change in a second. It's been fun. Shannon Stacey is my new goddess. The woman has been at the top almost since the beginning. :D

Orannia hinted (rather broadly...*snort*) that she'd like to read some more about Jamison & Kara. Hmm...Should I? :) I mean for this to be published someday, you know. I'm not just writing it to write it. :D Let me think about it for a second.

You know what really amazes me about the blogging community I'm a part of? The generosity I see on a regular basis. I finally figured out how to make my own template for this here blog, but I couldn't get it to work. So I emailed one of the people I "see" every day either on Facebook, Twitter or her blog and asked her if she'd be willing to help me. And you know what? She was! Yay! I hope she figures out what I did wrong so that I can change my template. I'm really excited. It's super simple, but it's also kinda sexy. :)

This weekend my #1 goal is to get my roomed cleaned. I am the world's biggest slob. I'm so embarrased. *sigh* I don't know where it came from because my mom? Totally not like that. Man, I wish I'd inherited her neatnick gene. :(

I'm going to go write for a bit. See if I can get the scene I was working on earlier finished. *crossing fingers* I'm having so much fun with this. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am about this. :D *happy dance*

Lots On My Mind

I guess. *sigh*


I was over on The Book Binge earlier and Holly had written a fascinating blog entry on author websites-Dos & Don'ts. I thought her post was very clear and concise. This is what we want, this is what we don't want. So, it got me to thinking. As I've said numerous times, I'm a writer, I'm just not published as of yet. Still, it's never too early to think about stuff like this.

I agreed with every single one her points, the biggie for me being the music/movies/whatever starting up automatically. Why? Because 99% of the time it's hidden at the bottom of the page, I'm not expecting it, it starts blaring and it scares me. Usually makes me glad I'm not needing to use the potty at that point in time. :~P

I know what I want when it comes to the eventual site I end up creating. Something that goes along with the books I've written, but also something extremely user friendly. I'm of the opinion that the easier it is to use a site, the more traffic you will get. Kind of along the lines of "If you build it, they will come (which is still one of the goofiest lines from a movie EVER...*ahem*)."

My writing is going exceptionally well. I'm very proud of the discipline I have shown. I write every day without fail, even if it's just a smidge. It may not all be great (I know it's not), but it's being written. I did learn earlier today that Starbucks is too distracting. I wish it was warm out. I'd go find a park (we have a ton) and then go write there. Until then, I guess it'll either be at work or in my room. :(

I think it's kind of funny that it's taken me so long to realize I'm so not a linear thinker. At least now I know what type of writing works for me, so for future books I'll be better prepared. The thing that's been really nice about writing Kara & Jamison's book is that it's allowed me to figure out the basic plots for books 2, part of 3 and most of 4. Little snippets are popping up IN K & J's book that'll go on to those books.

I'm a big believer in dropping hints. Nothing in your face, just little nudges here and there. I'm also finding a lot of myself in my books. It's kind of scary really, but with Wil (Kara's sister) I've found a kindred spirit. She is so much like me, it's really scary. Insecure, cautious, etc., but this in this book. She's still so young (22) and hasn't grown into the heroine she'll end up being. I think that's part of the fun. Watching someone grow from a child to a woman. And her hero? *fans self*

I don't write lame heroes. Tracy can attest to that. LOL! And they aren't afraid to vocalize their attraction to their women either. All of the comments I've read about other authors Alpha heroes has really made me stop and think. I hate the Alphas who basically trod all over their supposed "heroines" and who treat them like crap. I like Alphas who are Alpha when it's necessary (i.e. protecting their Pack/family/loves ones), but who can let themselves show their emotions when it's necessary.

Today while at work I actually changed the first meeting between Kara and Jamison. It truly wasn't something I'd planned. I'd written a pivotal almost first-scene and I think the scene I came up with really showcases both of their emotional insecurities. Neither one of them come across as babies (ugh), but I wanted to show both the heartbreak of their pasts and the promise of their future together.

I know there are authors out there who say it's a bunch of baloney about characters talking to their creators, but I have to disagree with them. Yes, there are authors who take it too far (an extremely popular story is about the author who was Christmas shopping and said "Oh this would look good on so and so" and she was talking about one of her characters), but I believe, for me anyway, that it's essential for characters to "speak" to their creators. Not literally ('cuz that'd be crazy), but to nudge them in the right direction.

Perfect example. On my very first foray into this book, I'd written a kissing scene between Jamison & Kara that was not only super hot, but should've ended up with them doing the deed...but Kara ran away. I thought about it and thought about it, but I couldn't justify why. Why run away when you KNOW you're not only attracted to someone, but know you could end up falling in love with them?

I kid you not, one night as I was drifting off to sleep, it came to me. I'd pushed her too fast. It wasn't that she didn't find him attractive and didn't want to sleep with him, it was that she just wasn't ready. Writing the story as I am now, I'm letting her set the pace. The attraction is still there, but I'm allowing it to percolate and grow UNTIL it gets to the point where they just can't stand it anymore. And trust me when I say that the culmination? Is totally worth the wait.

So, it is possible to have your characters tell you they're not ready. Thankfully for me, I'm willing to listen to them. If I'd continued on with the path I'd set originally, they would've ended up doing it too fast and it would've caused unnecessary conflict that would only drive me up the wall; not up the ante.

And so, in conclusion, I have to say that I am thankful I have this ability to have multitudes of stories rumble through my head. I'm just happy that I've learned how to separate them and allow myself to focus on the story that I'm working on now. It's only taken me 32 years to figure that out. *headdesk*

Banging My Head...

Won't do any good except give me a headache. And I get enough of those, thank you! :P Today was...annoying. I have a coworker who, unfortunately, I have to work with quite often. The guy's an idiot. Annoying, stubborn, a royal pain in the butt. Today was kind of the last straw for me after he pulled more of his nonsense. It got to the point where I almost bopped him. Thankfully I have more willpower than that.

I got off work early and walked out w/ one of my coworkers. I think he & I are of the same mindset. Basically we work w/ a bunch of lazy bums who never do their job. We DO do our jobs, but don't get the recognition. I know, I know, I sound arrogant. That's not my intention. I KNOW I do a good job. I was raised with a strong work ethic and it drives me up the wall when I work w/ people who truly don't do their jobs and yet they get paid as much as or more than me. *headdesk*

Enough of that. I'm done...I think. :)

Remember the other day when I was saying I think I might have a...I don't want to say crush...maybe interest is a better word, on my coworker? Well, I think he reciprocates. Here's the storyish. LOL!

Basically (as I said before), when he first started working there I hated him. He was an obnoxious twerp who had no filter between his brain and his mouth and would basically say anything that popped into his head. Thankfully, he's learned how to stifle that, but he's still obnoxious...he's just grown on me. :)

As for the reason I think he reciprocates? First I have to tell you that I am HORRIBLE at reading the signs of interest. I mean, it's so bad that unless a guy is blunt and TELLS me, I have no clue. For instance, I had a crush on a guy in high school, but thought he had no interest in me. It was until years later when I ran into his sister that I found out that not only had he liked me, but he'd wanted to ask me out. *headdesk* I HAD NO CLUE!!!! Totally blind. It's so sad.

So here's why I think he's also interested. I'm going to tell you all so you can tell me if I'm reading them right or on crack. LOL!

1. He talks to me. Every day. Not every minute, but at night when it's just me, him and our other closer he talks. And not just about stupid stuff, but things that are going on in his personal life.
2. He's protective. After my run-in with doofus, I went to break. As I was coming back he pulled me aside and said he'd sent me an email. I got back to my desk, read the email and it said that he thought I should tell my boss because of the way doofus was treating me and he wanted to make sure I was okay. (not in so many words, but that was the basic idea).
3. He noticed my hair cut w/o me having to point it out (and yes I had to point it out to 90% of the guys I work with. They are so not observant). And he liked it. :)
4. He teases me all the time. I tease him too.
5. He brought me back a postcard the last time he went somewhere. I asked him, but he still brought one. Didn't bring one for anyone else. Aw shucks.
6. He's mellowed out around me. Laughs, jokes, etc. And isn't a brat anymore.
7. Doesn't treat any of the other women there the same way.

So do y'all think I'm smoking crack or am I on to something?

And the thing that's soooooo weird? Is that physically? He's not really my type. I mean, yes, he's got dark hair and nice eyes, but his style is not really my thing. And he's shorter than me. I know, it's shocking!

I dunno. I guess it's just nice to feel like I'm into someone again. I was beginning to think I was w/o a sex drive at all. *sigh* I guess we'll see what happens.




PS. Can you tell I'm totally insecure? I need YOUR feedback. So sad. :~P

Sometimes...

I'm just tired. Tonight is one of those nights. It's not because I'm not sleeping, because I am. I'm just tired of nonsense. Complete and utter nonsense. 99% of it is work-related, but some of it is personal.

I dunno, I guess I'm just tired of being the mediator, the go-between, the one people go to talk to. Why can't people just leave me alone?

I honestly think that I'd love to be a hermit. Buy a small house at the beach and just stay there. Get away from everyone. I don't know if people realize just how much they exhaust me.

I can't talk about it to anyone, because the only people I have to talk to are the ones I'm annoyed with. I could email a buddy and rant to them, but then they'd have that added crap to deal with. I dunno...I'm just in a bad mood, I guess.

I just with people would realize what they're doing and stop it already! Grow up! Get over it! MOVE ON!

*sigh*




Maybe. :P

Grr

So, I remembered how to make my own blogger template. However, blogger is not liking the template I came up with. Keeps telling me it's null. Huh? Anyone know bloggerese? Would you be willing to look at it and tell me how to fix it? I'm really excited about it because it fits me and my blog. Help me? Please?

Other than dealing with THAT frustration, my day went by pretty fast. My coworker/friend blew me off, but I kind of expected it so I'm not too unhappy. I've been feeling...off all day and still don't feel 100%. I wish I didn't have to go in until 1 tomorrow, but whatever. It's a combination of head and tummy, so I'm REALLY not happy about it. *sniffle*

I can't believe I've read 19 books so far for March. Is that crazy or what? And to top it off, Smooth-Talking Stranger comes out tomorrow! *happy dance* I *heart* Lisa Kleypas. Rabid fan-girl? Me? Bwa-ha-ha!

Let's see...what else? I'm just not feeling myself tonight. I feel weird without all of my hair hanging on the back of my neck. I feel VERY naked. :P

I found a blogger template that I wish I was brave enough to put up. It basically personifies sexy to me. If anyone's interested, here's the link. And I will tell you...it's extremely...well...sexy. :) I would say it'd be the perfect background if you were an erotica author especially. *sigh* I hate being a prude. *snicker* Maybe I will. Depends on if I can get this new template to work or not.

I was feeling very random today as I was running around the city getting stuff done. As I was leaving the mall, I got stuck in a hail storm. And it HURT!

My hair stylist was an absolute doll. I went to Toni & Guy Salon, which is NOT CHEAP! My stylist was great. She listened to what I wanted, gave a couple of suggestions and then commensed. The poor stylist next to us got stuck with a real loo-loo. Eesh. Complaining before the stylist had even started. My stylist and I exchanged glances. I think she was glad she got me. I was so happy with my style that I gave her a hug. And a tip. :) She was well worth the tip I gave her, too. :) She'll be my stylist from now on. Yay!

I was cracking myself up on Facebook earlier going thru "celebrity" names. Type in Gerard Butler and you get about 15 people claiming to be the actor. Vin Diesel too. Maybe I should've put Tom Cruise's name in there. He definitely has clones there. I wonder if that's what he is? A bunch of clones all acting like complete imbeciles. If I'm being completely honest, the man gives me the creeps. For one thing, he's just weird and for another, his smile makes me think of big teeth. Toothy smiles freak me out anyway. LOL!

My head is still killing me. I took some sinus meds earlier, but they haven't worked. So, before it's off to sleep I'll take some Excedrin and see if that does the trick. Slather Ben-Gay on my head and see if it'll make me relax. That means I'll have to wash my hair tomorrow, but now that my hair is short it won't take 20 minutes to get it wet! Whoot!

I'm still giving away Katie Allen's books on my blog. I have to admit I'm a bit disappointed at the lack of response I've gotten. I sent an email to my buddies and some of them showed up, but not as many as I hoped for. Maybe I was expecting too much. *sigh* I don't know. :( You have until Weds. Comment!!!!

And speaking of disappointment...well, I don't want to go into any details, but I've learned something about myself. I am not meant to do things with people. I dunno, I'm just a bit hurt and annoyed. Whatever. I'll get over it.

And that's about it. I'm going to bed. I think if I think about that stupid blogger template I might have to hurt something. Don't want it to be me. Eek!

Pictures of my Haircut

So, I promised I'd take pics. No, I didn't take a before. I didn't feel like it. I know, I'm evil. :P

Hope you enjoy!

What's going on to Locks of Love. It's about 12 inches (give or take). Those are my pretty sheets. LOL!

This is to give you a bit of an idea of how thick my hair is. This is just from my head...no one else. Scary. Now you understand why I was having headaches all the time.

Extreme close up! But, it's to REALLY give you an idea. The hairdresser kept saying "I've never seen so much hair!" Even after taking off the ponytail at the beginning, it took her about an hour and a half to finish. I know! *shakes head*

The end result. Yes, it's a crappy picture (like I take any good ones. :P ), but it gives you an idea how short I had it cut. I like it. It'll take a couple of weeks to get used to for certain. :)

And there you have it. My "adventure." My hair will be off in tomorrow's mail. Here's hoping I'll give one kid a decent hair-do. :)

'Tis Late

Yup, it definitely is. *sigh* Once again I am up late. Shame on me. But you know what? I had a lot of stuff to get done today even though I never left the house (except to get dinner, but whatever).

I picked my choices for DABWAHA and had way too much fun doing that. You should too! I had an interview to post on G&BB's and an interview to write. I reread a great book and read it's sequel (which was AWESOME). I paid some bills. And did some other stuff. And I'm tired!

Today I get to chop off all my hair, which is super exciting! No more headaches! At least ones caused by the weight of my hair! Whoo-hoo! *happy dance*

I'm off to bed. And again, go to G&BB's. You can win books! Not hard! :)

My Brain Is Mush and Other Amazing Thoughts...Not!

Blah, blah, blah. That's about how my day feels today. *sigh* I got up on the wrong side of the bed, I guess. Allergies are kicking my butt, it's pouring rain outside and I'm tired. *sniffle* I know, I'm whining.

One good thing! I interviewed Katie Allen over on G&BB's. She's super sweet and is giving away two books! So go on over and say hi. You might win a copy of one of my favorite e-books yet! She's on thru Weds. so you have the chance!

Work yesterday was a royal pain. It was either idiots, obnoxious twerps or a combination of both. *headdesk* To top it all off, it was my nephew's third birthday and his party was RIGHT after work. So I headed over to Vancouver to find that all the food was gone (except for pepperoni...UGH!) and had to buy myself a salad. I definitely wasn't in the mood to be there, but I sucked it up and stayed. *sigh* Then I upset my brother because I wanted to go home right after the party was over. Like I told him, I had to work all day, plus Dylan would be hyped up on sugar. I love the munchkin, but when he's hyper? Oy!

Tomorrow I'm chopping off all of my hair & donating it to Locks of Love. My hair is so thick that when it gets long like it is right now, I end up with chronic headaches from the weight. So, I'm getting rid of most of it. Whoo-hoo! I can't wait. :)

And that's about it. I'm tired, sinusy and just in a bad mood. For shame! But, I think I might go take a shower, wash my hair, get dressed and drive over to Starbucks for awhile. I need to get out of the house for awhile or something. I'm just snarky enough to say something I'll regret. Urgh!

LOL! *snort* blergh...OY!

Okay, I blame Ann Aguirre for this nonsense. Anyone else seen the random blog generator? It's all nonsense. Wanna see mine?


Holy Snapping Duck Do! I just got hit on the head and recalled that I have not updated this since people stopped clapping and Tinkerbell died... You would not believe the fairy dust I have to clean up. Jealous much? Don't be, it was very painful.

I am hopped up on caffeine with setting fire to people wearing Crocs, being distracted by the shiny, just generally being asleep, dreaming and chancing to society in general, my day is a nightmare I would like to wake up from the second I am woken by murderous Teletubbies to sun down and beyond. I am putting money aside so I can run away. life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get.I send you kisses I will make more of an effort to blog more often until the nice men in the white coats come back. Until I need your shoulder to cry on. Assuming I don't get distracted by counting my chest hairs..

Love, Romance & Other Things

Sometimes the things I see while driving scare me. LOL! Take for instance something I witnessed today while waiting for the light to change. In the car next to me was a couple. I'd say early to mid twenties. He was driving. She was sitting in the passenger's seat. They were both facing forward, but when I glanced over...well...I noticed her hand making an interesting gesture. Glanced over again and realized...dun-dun-dun...she was giving him a handjob. LOL! I know my eyes were bugging out of my head & THEN I started laughing. *eye roll* Mature I am not!

So that got me thinking about romance. I guess some guys would think getting a handjob from your girlfriend while driving would be romantic, but seriously? I'd be afraid I'd lose control of the car and crash into something. Can you imagine the conversation you'd have with a police officer? I'm sorry, officer, but my girlfriend was giving me a handjob and I lost control of the car. I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time an officer would hear that, but still. *sigh*

I realized (as I was thinking about this), that I've never been romanced...EVER. Sad, isn't it? I've dated a couple of guys, but honestly none of them were all that romantic. More they were just regular joes. Kind of boring. I'm not looking for a ton of excitement or anything, but it would be nice to be romanced...even once. *sigh*

And I'm kind of freaking myself out. Let me tell you a little background and then why I'm so freaked out. 99% of this is probably in my head, but whatever.

There's this guy at work. He's been there for awhile now and when he first started working there I HATED him. Hated isn't even close to how I felt about him. I thought he was a smart-mouthed little punk and all I wanted to do was punch him. Then I got to know him. He's still annoying, but now I just think he's funny. And now I think I'm starting to "like" him. And it's seriously freaking me out. Do I? Or is it the close proximity? I dunno...I just dunno. *sigh*

And that's about it for today. I'm tired, but not tired enough to sleep. Nite!

Hmm

I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing with this phone. I think it'll make me go completely silver before I've got it figured out completely. *sigh* Aw well, I still love it. So, I can't complain too much. :P

Work was weird today. Why was it weird? I dunno, it just was. I think the thing was that my boss expected it to be busy and since it wasn't we were all just hangin' out talking and stuff. She can't really get mad at us when there's nothing to do...right?

I went and bought PC & Kristin Cast's new book. I'd forgotten it was hardcover. *sigh* I KNOW it's a big deal to have a book come out in hardcover, but I hate it when it happens halfway through a series. But, I bought it anyway. After the end of Untamed, I totally have to know what'll happen. :)

Let's see...what else? Oh! I "won" an award (or two). Both of them are from Renee (aw shucks). Might as well do them now! :)

The award “Dardos” appreciates the merits - culturally, literary and individually- of every blogger who expresses him/herself on his/her blog. Here are the rules.

1. be tickled pink
2. copy an paste the award picture to your blog
3. write down the regulations
4. link the blog who bestowed you the Award
5. and finally nominate 15 blogs for the Award

Okay...boy, trying to decide on my favorite 15 is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. So, I'm going to be lame and say it's everyone on my sidebar. I hate trying to decide. A. It's not fair to the others, because I love them too and B. I'm too stinkin' lazy. :P

And that's about it. I'm going to take a sleeping pill, knock myself stupid and call it a day. Ciao!

Ack!!!

Okay, I can't contain myself anymore. *taking a deep breath* I was a very, very bad girl today. Remember in the previous blog entry I said I was going to look at new phones today? *ahem* Well, I did just a smidge more than that.

I went and bought myself a BlackBerry Pearl! It's purple and so very pretty! *happy dance* Obviously the picture below is NOT purple, but it's the only one I could find. :) I've already used it to text to Twitter and play online. Whoo-hoo! Oh boy, I'm so in trouble now. And not only that, but it's regularly $349.99 and I got it (after mail-in rebate) for $79.99! I know, isn't that insane? Bwa-ha-ha! :)

Choices, Choices & More Choices

Today feels like the start of something new. What do I mean by that? As funny as it sounds (especially looking outside and seing the hail/snow mix that's coming down) I feel like today is a new beginning.

I went clothes shopping on Saturday and bought myself four new skirts for work. They're a size smaller than what I'd gotten before, which was a real bonus to my self confidence. This morning I made an appointment to get my hair cut next Monday and have it donated to Locks of Love. I'm upgrading my cell phone to something that'll actually work. And I'm writing up a storm.

See, this is what I mean. 2008 was the year of loss for me. Losing a lot of loved ones and dealing with a lot of drama. Though 2009 hasn't started out on the best of terms, it's slowly but surely getting better. At least I'm making sure it's getting better.

I got a raise at work as well as more responsibilities. My confidence in myself is rising (finally) and I'm just really feeling happy for a change.

And I think that's what matters most.

Oh, Dear

I took a sleeping pill about an hour ago, so I'm a bit loopy right now. I just wanted to write and say that I read Angels' Blood and reviewed it here. All I can say is...Whoa!

*Huge Yawn*

I didn't fall asleep until about 2:30 this morning and for some reason, I woke up at 9:45. Ugh! All I want is to sleep, uninterrupted for about...oh...2 months. LOL!

Last night was boring. After going and getting my books, I read. Not that that was boring, but it just didn't engage me as much as it usually does. I'm still wrapping my head around ASF. Eh...whatever.

Today is a short work day, as is tomorrow. I desperately need to buy new underwear and some pants. Ugh! Thankfully today was payday and it was a good payday, so that makes me happy. I might stop by Nordstrom Rack tomorrow after work and pick up some running shoes. They had a couple of really cute pairs last time I was there and they weren't horribly expensive. I seriously need to start some sort of exercise program. I'm still losing weight, but I really need to exercise. I HATE exercising. *sigh*

And that's really all I have to say at the moment. I know, I'm sooooo profound. *snort*

I'm...Not Sure

What to say...or think. I just finished reading Colleen Gleason's 5th and final book in the Gardella series featuring Victoria. Usually once I'm done with a book, I know what I think about it, but truthfully? I'm not sure what I think. Was it good? Of course. Is there an end? Yes. Is it a HEA? For some. Did I like it? That's the question. This will be weighing on my mind for a few days I think. Once I review it, I'll put a linky up.

I had quite an adventure at Barne's and Noble. I'd gone in on Tuesday to pick up the books that were waiting for me and I had also gone to pick up books 3-5 of the Jaz Sparks books by Jennifer Rardin. But, realizing they'd put me over my budget, I told them to put them back. I was figuring out finances today at work and realized (thank goodness tomorrow is pay day) that I had enough fundage to pick them up.

Went to where they'd been on the shelf and only book 5 was left. Heartbroken, I went over to Customer Service to see if they could order books 3 & 4 for me. The super nice guy who helped me looked them up. He said that both of them showed available, but we went and looked and couldn't find them. Romance, Sci-fi/Fantasy, even basic fiction and nada.

I asked him if he'd put them on order for me, which he did and we decided, one more time, to look in Sci-Fi/Fantasy. And guess what he found...on the wrong side...totally misshelved? Books 3 & 4! Whoot! So I got all 5 now! *happy dance* I also picked up another copy of Pride and Prejudice, because my 1st copy had the misfortune to meet up with a glass of apple juice...and lose.

So, that was my adventure for the day. I'm kind of tired, but not, so I think I'm going to go pick up book 3. I need to be cheered up. As Shadows Fade kind of depressed me, if I'm being honest. *sigh*

Quandary

Okay, so it's not really a quandary so much as...well, yes it is! See, I really, really want to write, but I have two books literally screaming my name to read them. *sigh* What to do? I feel like I'm the middle holding up 2 scales. Which will win?

Today was a decent day. Pretty slow. I read almost all of Another One Bites the Dust by Jennifer Rardin. Reviewed it (kind of) here. Was more a discussion than a review. Yes, I was discussing the book w/ myself. *eye roll* Sheesh, sometimes I'm such a dork.

The writing thing is going well. I have half a spiral notebook full so far. Yes! *happy dance* I know, it doesn't seem like much, but they're the important scenes for the book. It should be easy (crossing fingers) to just add filler. I'm hoping anyway. I'm very proud of myself that I'm persevering and continuing with the story.

I also really appreciate all the comments and encouragement y'all have given me. I appreciate it more than I can say. I've stated on here before that my confidence...well, it's pretty much sadly lacking.

Books...evil. *sigh*

Yadda, yadda, yadda

Today was one of those days. Thought I was going to talk myself hoarse. It was a busy day. But, after work I was able to go pick up books! *happy dance* I love new book Tuesdays. :)

I wrote a review for one of the books I bought. It was a new-to-me author and I'm still not 100% what I thought of the book. Here's the review. It's very conflicted. I liked the last half of the book, but didn't care for the first third at all. How I finished the book is beyond me. I guess I just couldn't put it down. Yeah, I know that makes no sense. *sigh*

I just finished the culminating love scene between Jamison & Kara. I'm very proud of it. It's one of those love scenes that just came to me. It's really rough right now and I'll have to do a lot of editing later, but the basic gyst is there as is the passion necessary. I didn't have them jump into bed immediately after acknowledging the attraction between them. For one thing, it wouldn't work to have sex immediately, since it would've really thrown a giant ball of conflict (not the good kind) on top of an already super tense situation. And for another, they just weren't ready. Instead, lots of flirting and sexual innuendo with some making out and heavy petting to keep things interesting.

And here's a question for the masses. I'm not a person who uses the f*ck word at all. It's not even in my vocabulary. I don't want to use it in my book since it goes against my thoughts and...I don't want to say beliefs, but there you go. However, when they're first in the midst of this first love scene, that's exactly what they're doing. And it's pretty steamy. Is there a way I can work AROUND the "F" word? Help! I don't swear. I have a hard time using it in my stories, even when I've got a super tough Alpha male and female fighting for their place in the Pack. Argh!

And how on earth do you avoid euphamisms while in the midst of writing a love scene. I almost used the word moist channel (yeah, don't ask me what I was thinking) before I snorted and scratched it out. I hate being super clinical. Penis and vagina just aren't sexy to me at all. I like a bit of raunchy talk while in the midst of a hot scene. I'm so...confused! Or conflicted. Or whatever. Why does it have to be so hard?????? :(

Eh, it's 1 am. I'm not going to worry about it so much now. Just annoyed with myself and the stupid cliches that are running through my head. I crack myself up when I edit what I've written (not that I am...not really) and realize I've used something stupid when I could've used something hot or whatever. I think that's the odd thing about writing. I get so caught up in what I'm writing that I don't care. It's when I'm coming back later to write the next scene and have to read the last few paragraphs to refresh my memory. I've read some hysterically funny stuff. What on earth was I thinking? :D

So, if you have an answer to the above questions, I'd really like to hear your two cents. My brain won't leave me alone. *sigh*

Hmm...Again

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Is it good thinking? I'm not sure. But it's there and now I'm going to talk about it on my blog for the whole world to see. You lucky ducks, you. :D

I've never been one for major goals and have always sucked at making up my mind about things, but the big one for me is that I've always wanted to be a published writer and I've wasted almost 33 years NOT writing. I think 99% of my problem was a lack of confidence in myself and my abilities. But, that's starting to change. I may not be the BEST writer out there, but I definitely don't suck.

Putting my super short story on here for y'all to read is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I sucked it up though and did it. And I'm proud of myself for that. And you all seemed to like it, which boosted my confidence. Yay!

So, where's this post going? I was thinking about this the other night when I was on Facebook looking up my high school the year I should've graduated. Most of my yearmates are either married or successful in some way and what do I have to say about myself?

I'm 32 years old, single, live at home with my parents...there's really not a lot to brag about there. In fact, it's pretty embarrassing. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents, but sheesh.

My biggest goals at the moment are to get this book finished and to get money saved up for a down payment. No renting for me. I'm going to buy a house (that I actually like) and will some day (it better be soon) have my books on the bookshelves at a bookstore near you. And that is EXACTLY what I'm going to do!

Squee!!

Guess what I got in the mail today? White Witch, Black Curse by Kim Harrison! Won it on the Book Smugglers. I *heart* them. :)

Sometimes

I have to remind myself that I AM a good writer. I've been writing this book via a spiral notebook. It's not pretty and there's a lot of crap going into it, but every now and then a snippet will come along that surprises me at just how decent it really is.

Here's a tiny snippet for you to read. It's from Kara & Jamison's story. It's after a rather traumatic moment in Kara's life. She's with Jamison and they've just finished eating. I hope you enjoy.


****


...Jamison's hand left her cheek and went down to clasp her hand. He turned it palm up and ran his fingers over the scratches that crisscrossed her skin. She waited for him to speak, but instead he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles.

They sat in silence for what seemed like hours. Jamison kept her hand pressed to his lips, his eyes closed as he took in her scent. Kara couldn't handle it anymore; she needed comfort. Pulling her hand free she got to her feet with a wince and a groan. Stepping around the table to his side, she stood next to him waiting.

Jamison opened his eyes and looked up at her. With a smile, he opened his arms and she sat down gingerly on his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Kara snuggled into him, her head tucked under his chin. She had never felt as safe as she did at that moment.

"Baby," he growled, his voice raspy with emotion.

Kara leaned up and kissed his jaw. Jamison got to his feet, careful not to jostle her. He went up the stairs, bypassing the guest room and going into his own. He placed her on the bed and curled up beside her. She stayed on her back, too tired and sore to think about moving. Jamsion laid on his side facing her, one arm draped lightly over her middle.

She closed her eyes, feeling safe and comforted. Drifting off to sleep, she wished she could fall asleep like this every night.


****

Short, short snippet, but I hope y'all liked it. Will it make it to the finished product? I have no idea. Right now I'm just so happy I'm writing and that it's not crap! Whoot!

Anyhoodles, that's it for me. I hope everybody has a great night!



PS. Again, this work is done by ME. Please do not use for any reason w/o first asking me...and all that disclaimer stuff. Thanks muchly! :)

Oddities, Memory Lane and Stuff

Oh....that about says it all. :)

When I got up my mom told me they'd decided to keep Chloe after all. My reaction? Hand-to-forehead. However, my dad just can't handle the idea of "losing" another loved one, so the mutt stays. I'm conflicted. I love her dearly, but I am SO afraid something will happen where she'll hurt one of the boys. I dunno...as I said, I'm conflicted. My mom said they've come up with a solution though, so we'll see.

I was on Facebook earlier and was randomly looking up high schools in Portland for the year I would have graduated. I found my first "boyfriend" (I quote that 'cuz we were 7). It's so weird to see what he looks like as a grown man. Married, kids, the whole nine yards. For me it's just plain bizarre.

I've had a horrid sinus headache all day today. Woke up with it, took pills and it's still there. I might knock myself out with some sleeping pills later and see if I can sleep it off.

I'm finding that this whole writing thing is finally gelling for the first time EVER! When I told my mom about my theory of my non-linear thinking, she snorted. I guess it wasn't as big of an epiphany as I thought it was. *sigh*

Tomorrow I think I'm going to get up, get dressed and drive over to Starbucks for awhile. I'm taking my notebook and my MP3 player. See if I can't knock the rest of this book out. *crossing fingers*

Yesterday on G&BB's I listed my reads of February. Only 7 were actual books. The rest were e-books. Who knew?

And that's my rambling for the moment. I think. Have a great Sunday everybody!

I'm Heartbroken

I really and truly am. We've been having an ongoing situation with our dog for quite awhile and it finally hit the point yesterday where we had to make a final decision...and let me tell you, it's one of the hardest decisions we've ever had to make. My mom won't blog about it because she can't deal with the negative comments, but I have to get this off my chest.

Almost 6 years ago, my SIL wanted a dog desperately. My brother and SIL had finally bought their own house and my brother decided to buy her one. It was the cutest little ball of black and white fur I've ever seen in my life. She was a Lhasa Apso and had just been weaned. She was literally the size of a rolled up sock when they first got her. My mom bonded with her over a week where she was being potty-trained (what an adventure THAT was *eye roll*) and Chloe became an integral part of our lives.

Then my brother and SIL decided to buy a companion for Chloe. They bought a male, the sweetest, most laid-back animal I've ever met in my life. You'd figure he and Chloe would get along. Ha! But, they made due and all was fine.

Until my nephew came along. Poor Chloe wasn't getting the attention she deserved and began throwing doggy temper tantrums at home, crapping on the floor, snapping at the baby and basically making a pest of herself. My brother wanted to give her away, but my mom told him we'd take her. And so we did. And things were fine...for awhile.

Now that nephew #2 is around, she's had enough. She's begun snapping at the boys and basically misbehaving on a regular basis. And when the boys aren't around, she's constantly bombarding all of us for attention. I love her, but I just couldn't handle it anymore.

Yesterday it all came to a head. Nephew #1 was kneeling on the floor playing with his blocks when out of nowhere she turned on him and bit him on the face. It wasn't a bad enough bite to do any real damage, but it was the last straw. My mom called the breeder and told her that we can't keep her anymore.

I have to say that this decision is one of the hardest we've ever had to make. My mom, who is usually not super emotional was in tears when she came in to talk to me. She told me "I just need someone to tell me it's okay." I, of course, told her she was making the right decision. If this keeps up and Chloe one day does some serious damage to one of the boys, my mom would never be able to forgive herself.

Thankfully, the breeder has someone willing to take her. It's an older widow who wants a companion for long walks and to be a lapdog, which is right up Chloe's alley. I have to say that at this point I'm devastated but also really relieved. I've gotten all kinds of reactions from super-supportive to HOW COULD YOU DO IT? You know what? If you had to choose between your kids/nephews/grandkids and your dog, who would you choose? Sheesh! It's a no-brainer, or so you would think.

But, that's what's going on over here. It's been a very long, very melancholy day. I'm driving my mom to the breeder tomorrow so we can drop off Chloe. She knows something is up too, because she's been very quiet today. I know I'll cry and I hate it, but there's nothing else we can do. It's just one of those no-win situations.

And for those who'll judge us harshly for it, you have NO idea how hard a decision this was for us. That's all I'm going to say.